Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las'
night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow wid all
da heat in the summa.
Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all
I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille
an made some gumbo out of dem.
Dear Boudreaux,Why couldn't you a sent me Crawfish? I'm tired of
eating dem darn birds. I gave two of dose prissy French chickens
to Marie Trahan over at Grans Bayou an fed the tird one to my
dog Phideaux. Marie needed some sparring partners for her fighting
Dear Boudreau, Mon Dieux! I tol you no more xxxxx birds.
Deez four, what you call dem "calling birds" were so noisy you
could hear dem all de way to Napoleonville. I used dere necks for
my crab traps, an fed de rest of dem to de gators.
Day 5 Louisiana XMassDay 5
Dear Boudreaux, You finally sen' somethin useful. I like dem golden
rings, me. I hocked dem at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and got enuf
money to fix da shaft on my shrimp boat an buy a round for da boys
at de Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!
Dear Boudreaux, Couchon! Back to da birds, you Cajun turkey!
Poor egg suckin' Phideaux is scared to death at dem six geeses.
He tried to eat dems eggs and dey peck de heck out ah his snout.
Dey good at eating cockroaches, though. I may stuff one of dem
wit oyrster dressing on Christmas day.
Dear Boudreaux, I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I see
you. Thibeau, da mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from all
dem birds is stinkin' up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip
on dat stuff and sue him good. I let those seven swans loose to swim
on de bayou and some duck hunters from Mississippi blasted dem
out of de water. Talk to you tomorrow.
Dear Boudreaux, poor ole Thibeau, he had to make tree trips on his
mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and their cows. One of dem
cows got spooked by da alligators and almost tipped over da boat. I
doan like dem shiftless maids, me no. I tolt dem to get to work guttin
fish and sweepinq the shack but dey say it wasn't in dair contract.
Dey probably think dey too good ta skin nutrias I caught las night.
Dear Boudreaux, What you trying to do huh? Thibeau had to borrow
the Lutcher ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call Lords-a-Leaping
across the bayou. As soon as dey gots here dey wanted a tea break
with crumpets. I doan know what dat means but I says, "Well La Di Da.
You get Chicory coffee or nuttin." Mon Dieu, Emile. What I'm gonna
feed all dese bozos? Dey too snooty for fried nutria, and de cows
done eat my turnip greens.
Dear Boudreaux, You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman don't
kill you, I will fo sure. Today he deliver 10 half nikid floozies
from Bourbon Street. Dey said dey be "Ladies Dancin" but dey doan
act like ladies in front of dose Limey twits. Dey almos left after
one of dem got bit by a water moccasin over by da out-house. I had
to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le monde an had to get toilet paper;
the Sears catalog wasn't good enuf fer dose hoity toity Lords' royal
Dear Boudreaux, where y'at? Cheerio an pip pip. Your 11 pipers piping
arrives today from the House of Blues, second lining as dey got off
de boat. We fixed stuffed goose and beef jambalaya and we having a
Da new mailman he having a good time, yeah, dancing with de floozies.
Thibeau he jump off de Sunshine Bridge yesterday, screaming your
name. If you get a mysterious, ticking package in de mail, doan open it.
Dear Boudreaux, I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love anymore,
no. After da fais-do-do, I spent de night with Jacque, de head piper.
We decide to open a restaurant and gentleman's club on de bayou. The
floozies, pardon me, Ladies dancing can make $20 for a table dance,
and de Lords can be waiters an valet park de boats. Since de maids
doan have no more cows ta milk, I trained dem ta set my crab traps,
watch my trotlines, an run my shrimping business. We will probably
gross a million nex year.