Funny Humor & Comedy - a2000greetingsFun and Humor " Smile with us. Sound is on this page."
A2000greetings Smiley Couple!
(Mouse over eyes!)
(Sound) Joke ~ A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, "What seems to be the problem"?
"I'm out of gas!"
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
"Try it now," said one bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow!" the man exclaimed.
"What did you put in my gas tank"?
The bee answered, "BP."
I'm Sitting On Top Of The World I'm Sitting On Top Of TheWord
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
A mother is reading a book to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" The wide-eyed little 3 year-old looks up at her mother and in her deepest voice replies, "Bud."
Funny Stuff 6 One LinnersHappiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!
If Walmart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year!
JokeBoth politicians and diapers
waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
Both politicians and diapers need to be change often and for the same reason!
Vote for us humor
Opens in new window thank you.
Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!
Funny Pocket Tazer Stun Gun Story
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.
The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.
The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:
There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!
:0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0)
Set as desktop wallpaper. Right click and set.
A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap it off against a tree.
As he slept, two brite lassies heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."
She boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his kilt, and saw that he wore nothing at all. Her friend said, "Well, the mystery is solved! Let's thank him for the sharing!" She took off her pretty blue hair ribbon and gently tied it around the Scotsman's endowment.
That morning, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature. He raised his kilt and was bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied blue ribbon bow . He stared for a minute, then said, "Aye, I know not where y'been laddie... but it's good ta see you won first prize!"
LOL (Laugh our Loud,)
:0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0) :0)
To funnyPac-Man Funny video
Pac-Man Fever - Dan & Dav Funny Pack-Man video
We love Comedy and Entertainment
Thanks to all who can entertain us! The entertainers help make this world a better place. Here is to you!
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
Cows have hoofs. Why, because they lack toes.
The once and future star of various Disney films about such wide-ranging topics as skiing, driving, and home theater installation, the great Goofy tries his hand at the job of pitcher. The Disney MLB Texas Rangers Goofy Framed Print celebrates Major League Baseball and Disney in one handy piece of art -- which will look awesome on your wall, order yours now!
Goofy, Texas Ranger $39.99
More variety of humorous funny videos
It breaks our hearts that the world lost a great creator of laughter, Robin Williams. We implore you or anyone you know, who is experiencing deep and dangerous depression, to seek professional help immediately. I was very fortunate to see his show after waiting for him to recover from his hospital stay.
"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. ~ Groucho Marx
Funny JokesGet your laugh on with free cool jokes, clean jokes, funny quotes, outrageous one liners, the joke of the day, cartoon of the week. Play hangman. Deep funny stories and more.
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal. The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now the wax. Read on. My night began as any other normal weeknight. I come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet. 'So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP! I'm blind! Blinded from pain! OH MY GAWD! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!' There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?' She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!! It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point!
Yea, We won this special Insanity Award!
"I thought that was some funny stuff." La Luna's Thanks Luna. You figured us out. And we love it! Lo
Please Share Thank You, Bookmark/Favorites
1.How come wrong numbers are never busy?
2.Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?
3. Does that screwdriver really belong to Philip?
4. Does killing time damage eternity?
5. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
6. Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
7. Why is it that night falls and day breaks?
8. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
9. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
10. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
11. Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
12. Can you buy an entire chess set at a pawn-shop?
13. Daylight savings time- why are they saving it, and where do they keep it?
14. Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
15. Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
16. Do pilots take crash-courses?
17. Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
18. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
19. Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
20. How can there be self-help "groups"?
21. How do you get off a non-stop flight?
22. How do you write zero in Roman Numerals?
23. How many weeks are there in a light-year?
24. If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his walkman?
25. If athletes get athletes foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
26. If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all of her friends?
27. If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
28. If cats and dogs didn't have fur, would we still pet them?
29. If peanut butter cookies are made out of peanut butter, what are girl guide cookies made of.
30. If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
31. If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
32. If tin whistles are made of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
33. If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
34. If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
35. If you jog backwards, do you gain weight?
36. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? ( Joke no offence intended. )
37. Why do signs that say "slow children" have a picture of a running child?
38. Why do they call it "chilli" if it's hot?
39. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
40. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
George Carlin American Stand-Up Comedian George Carlin - Official Site
WTG Brandon Styles. a2000greetings Enjoys your Styles
:0) - Comedian
Vist Brandons page. Brandon Styles He has got great package deals and some photos.
Original Jokes And Humor
More Entertainment News
More Funny Quotes
Everyone likes a laugh or a thought once ad awhile. Jokes Garden of Eden Story: Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed." Adam asked God, "What will a woman like that cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg."
Enjoy jokes we have loads more. Check out our Community Forum and Message Boards
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner.
HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES?
A Priest And A Bus Driver
A little old lady
Man with earring
A Really Bad Day
Senior Center Hypnotist
FIVE TIPS FOR WOMEN About There Man
Wedding Rehearsal Joke
Older Than What
Whatever you give a woman
A scouts letter home
What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?
For all of you Pastor's wives out there
Dear Tech Support
Witch on is the bigger ham? LOL
She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still!
Woo Hoo We Won This Award
Thank You So Much Mrgoodbeer.com
We all could use a laugh at times. We have here a lot of humor, comedy videos and funny stuff that makes us laugh. It is humor and comedy. We love to smile with fun and funny humorous stuff. Comedy, comedians, jokes, funny videos, cartoons, funny stories, and pranks at a2000greetings.
Join our Newsletter and stay up to date on hot new stuff. Your email address will never be sold and you can unsubscribe at anytime.
Free Mail Box
Another Mail Box
Go to a random joke website Or browse the webring Here
We love to smile! Fun funny stuff. Comedians, jokes and humorous video. Comedy variety. Comedians videos, cartoons, jokes pranks, and more funny stuff that makes us laugh. Enjoy.
Related Humor Pages Dear Tech Support Joke - Five Houses of Worship with Squirrels - Police Man Did You Laugh Today
Related Humor Pages On Add Babies Web Site
Humor The Woman's Guide to Man
Humor Man's Guide to Woman's English
Joke Childbirth At 65
Humor I'm Glad I am a Man
Related Humor Pages On Our Holiday Site
Santa's New Contract
The Hangover Bobble Heads Great Price: $16.99
Bobble heads and t-shirts from last year's wildly popular comedy The Hangover. For starters, there's this swell The Hangover Alan Talking Bobble Car! It has a tiger in it-- a key feature lacking from most fine automobiles! It even talks, saying such great lines as "Tigers love pepper. they hate cinnamon." Pre-order you plastic Zach Galifinakis today!
Share, Humor and Comedy, Thank you!
Bookmark This Site
Find a sponsor for your web site and Get Paid for your great content. - Get Pad for your Advertising Space
Excellent Seven Day Trial Excellent
Evermine Blog- Teacher Appreciation - Custom Wine Labels And others = Customize your lables. - Personalized historical romance novel "Medieval Passion" from Romance by You. Try a free demo! - A great selection and value on eBooks - Models and Kits. - 3D Crystal Puzzle Deluxe - Red Dragon - Beautiful Amish Wine Racks Gifts Planners Coffee Mugs Bags Stationery Flowers
We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. By ~ Mother Teresa
Support Red Cross Your donation help.
Thank you for your continued use of this website and support.
As a Verified Member of PayPal. We use E-commerce services pages for safe downloads and sales. Your payments are securely processed. We proudly display the PayPal Seal on our website. Sales, Ads and your Donations help to keep this website going.
Donate to A2000greetings. Please click the PayPal Seal.
"We have variety pages, information, news and resources! With lots to see and do. Enjoy your saty and may your day have smooth sailing! May your day be uplifted from start to end and filled with sunshine and warmth, joy and happiness and be untroubled and serene in all that you do. Thank you for joining us and for visiting our family friendly, multi functional web site portal. Enjoy your stay.
Public Relations ( press release )
Carousel Carousels The Golden Age
Poem Lend Me A Pup
HUMOR / Comedy / JOKES
Children's Safety Helping Kids at a2000greetings Helping children with a personal touch, children's safety. A200greetings has information for helping kids around the world. Protect kids for generations.
On Coronavirus COVID-19
American Indian Information
Bridal and Wedding
Planning a Wedding and Organizing a Bridal Shower
Family ResorcesPlay Glitter Game
Puzzle IQ Test
Check our holiday section for lots more puzzles.
Casino Game Fun
Software Electronically Downloadable
Get to know Jerrie Cobb Who's Driving the Bus?
Organize Your Stuf Five Minute Organizing
One of my favorite things about being an Internet Entrepreneur is that I can literally wake up in the morning with an idea for a new product and have it become a reality by the afternoon. Or I can find new ways to promote an existing product. Or I can join a new affiliate program or pursue a joint venture. Every time I repeat this process I create a new stream of income to add to my existing revenue base.
The Perfect Home Based Business
Are you looking for a Business you can Work at Home? Did you know that a Work at Home Business is the dream of millions of Americans, and millions more world wide? It is estimated that over 68% of us will have some kind of Home Business to help supplement our income. Plus, numerous surveys show that a Business of your own is still the #1 way for the average person to achieve financial freedom and independence. Read-More The Perfect Home Based Business
a2000 Greetings Flash Games
Helps tens thousands amateurs and professionals involved in stock photography in preparing and uploading their images to leading stock photo agencies.. a2000 Greetings Flash Games
How To Market Your Home Business On A Shoestring Budget
Happy New Year
With a pinch of the luck of the Irish and hug.
Happy St Patrick's Day
Four-Leaf Clover Fun & Info.
An Irish Friendship Wish
The National Anthem of the Republic of Ireland & Irish National Anthem Gaelic
St. Patrick's Day Word Search Puzzle Free
St. Patrick's Day Child Maze Printable(Free)
Labor in America
Halloween Fun Scare(Our Other Site)
Garden Of Friendship
Our a2000greetings website guardian angel came out looking like my mom.
Angels Of The Garden
Welcome to a2000greetings Community Forum - Index
Search Engine Web Directory
Webmaster Resources & WEBSITE BUILDING
Webmasters Tech resources easy webmaster solutions
Color Chart is popular with web developers
Free Website Content Page 1
Things for your site Page 2
MPEG Encoder Ultimate
Quantcast for a2000greetings Report
Webstatsdomain for a2000greetings 100/100 Web Reputation for a2000greetings is 100/100
Add Us To your site. Thank You. Use and Refer a2000greetings
Add To Favorites / Bookmark Us
Safe Surf Rating for a2000greetings. Certification Child Safe For Web Design and Developers
Enjoy your stay. Best wishes, and we hope you discover a beautiful day, and smooth sailing throughout!
Designed: By Susan an a2000greetings brand. Our Brands
SSL Report: www.a2000greetings.com (188.8.131.52)
"May your day have smooth sailing!"