Today's Jokes

Strange Turnpike Turnings
Modern-day miracles, it seems, do occur -- and in the strangest places. A Christian evangelist driving down a Virginia turnpike is pulled over for speeding. The trooper smells alcohol in the vehicle and sees an empty wine bottle on the floor. The officer asks the cleric: "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Only water, officer," the minister says. "Then why do I distinctly smell wine in your car? The minister looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road.""Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Well, "It's Not Unusual."

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"

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